Kung Fu Mom Kicks NYC’s Ass (feat. Ilana Glazer) – Sugarboy


– Hi! I’m Sugarboy. I’m a boy that ate a lot of sugar. Wanna hear a story? I’m gonna tell you a story. It’s a really cool tough lady
story called Kung Fu Mom. There once was this girl. It was around probably
about a hundred years ago. And she was super tough
even though she was a lady. She even smoked a cigarette once. Whenever someone would make her mad, she would usually kick them
in the face, break their arms, or pinch their nipples really hard. The only thing she loved
more than kicking butts were baseball cards, because my mom said people
collected them back then. One day, she was organizing the
cards by coolest looking guy when a letter slid under her doorway. She was like, “What the heck?” So she opened it up and
read it and it said, hey there, I’m a bad guy. I stole your favorite baseball card. It’s the Rollie Fingers rated rookie card. She loved Rollie Fingers because he had a really
cool twirly mustache. The letter said that the bad guy was gonna bend the card in
half and rough up the corners, so it wouldn’t be in
mint condition anymore. It said that the bad
guy was at Coney Island where we went on vacation once. So she grabbed her roller skates and started rolling to Coney Island! She was jumping over curbs,
high-fiving cool people, pushing off mean people. and sometimes she’d dance a little ’cause there was some cool
roller skating music playing. Then she saw a bus and got on,
but it said no roller skates. So she gave them to some old
grandma with an eye patch and got on the bus! But after a few stops, she realized she had sat on jelly and she was so mad that she
jumped off and ran for a while. She was so fast she could run a mile in about six minutes flat. Then a couple of ninjas popped out and she knew they were bad, so she kicked one of them in the penis, then gave him a bad noogie
that knocked him out. Then she stole his nunchucks and slapped another ninja with it. He got a bloody nose then passed out. Then she stole that ninja’s grenade and tricked the heck
out of the other ninja by quickly painting it
to look like an apple, then giving it to him as a gift! He smiled and took a bite like an idiot, and it blew chunks of his body everywhere. Then she saw a guy riding a bike, so she kicked him off and
rode that for a while, high-fiving more cool people
and punching out more idiots. Then she saw a taxi cab, so she hopped in and
rode that for a while, but it stunk like armpits in there, so she got out and ran some more. And wen she was crossing a bridge, some guy called her a cuss word, so she tore his nipples off
and threw them in the water, then got on one of those
bike basket things. But after a few blocks,
the biker ripped one, so she got off and ran
to the subway train. And the whole time, she just kept thinking about Rollie Fingers
and his twirly mustache. Then she looked around and
everyone had twirly mustaches. That was the last straw. She needed to get that card. She finally got to Coney Island and ran through the carnival area, and played a quick round of
skeet ball, ate a funnel cake, and had a wizard read her fortune. And it said, Go Kick a
Butt Right Now, Baby! So she went to the bad guy headquarters, kicked the crap out of the door, and that’s when she saw
the Rollie Fingers card, then she saw the bad guy. And so they both ran for the
card, but she got to it first. And she threw it right
at him like a ninja star. And it stuck in his forehead
and he said, “Oh, crap!” Then she took her fingers and
put them right up his rollie, which meant his butt hole. She was so excited that she
picked up an electric guitar with a wah-wah pedal
and played a loud solo without making any mistakes. And while she was playing,
Rollie Fingers himself walked in and fell in love with her right away. So they went in the
backroom and got naked, and rubbed their butts together, I think. And that made a baby and
he was named Sugarboy and he was awesome! Sugarboy! I wish my dad was Rollie Fingers. (upbeat music)

39 thoughts on “Kung Fu Mom Kicks NYC’s Ass (feat. Ilana Glazer) – Sugarboy

  1. funny yeah but there was a time when white folk had to go through rigorous training to do martial arts in movies and now it's just inherent. ironic and rofl

  2. That boy has undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

    Hey, can we see more of Ilana Glazer with jelly on her butt??

  3. I have no idea what the hell that was all about. but I could not stop watching. I hate you people. no really. okay, not that much.

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