Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave (1982) Review&Brew


So today we feel like reviewing Kung’ Fu
from Beyond the Grave and simpler times For the beer that takes you back to
simpler times (ghostly moans)
OooooOOoOOOOoooo OOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOoo So the movie starts off with our hero practicing kung’ fu and his father shows up and he accidentally kicks him in the face and he’s not
convinced at first that it’s his father Well it’s a flying green person what
would you expect? So the reason why his father is visiting is to give him a
message from beyond the grave You’re a grown man now You must seek revenge for me I was
murdered by Kam Tai Fu From Yellow Dragon Town I worked very hard to save my money down in hell so I could bribe my way out to see you WHATSTHAT So we immediatly then cut to our villain who is fighting his brother
trying to get a magic book You’re not exactly sure it’s a villain at
this point but he definitely looks I mean he’s got a long
evil ponytail he’s evil cause’ ponytails And he makes these funny faces throughout the film the brother defeats the villain
but because he’s good of heart he decides to let him go
and of course as soon as he turns around the villain kills him. now our hero walks
up to the dead body T The villains looking for something But he didn’t
find it doesn’t find it it’s not in any of his pockets for whatever reason the
villain the villains gone at this point for whatever reason our hero finds the
brothers body and start stabbing it he grabs the sword and just starts hacking
away at his knee bits and and as he’s doing it the handle comes off it just
pops right off and out comes the magic book the book of magic so we assume at this point the hero’s
trying to get to yellowdragon and I’m not sure if that’s a place or a person
that that might be the villain I’m assuming yellowdragon is the the name of
the palace or the Ariel’s you see that it pans into a sign which is in Chinese
and I forgot all my high school Chinese and we see our villain who is a Dark
Magician and he is doing incantations yes he’s trying to make the Emperor
invincible immune to weapons is how they word it mm-hmm I don’t know if that
means live forever it doesn’t really matter the head boss the head honcho
wants to become invincible he has this wizard doing all sorts of
gross parlor tricks to make that happen the main ingredient that they use to
make the emperor invincible is the hearts of pure couples but they must
remove the hearts during an orgasm so then they take the they like boil the
heart and they make a soup out of it mm-hmm and then we see our ice magician
completely dry ice having spit-takes and just spitting on the Emperor it’s
incredibly weird another thing that they have to do is any of the couples that
they take the heart from they have to make sure that they scalped them mm-hmm
because with their scalps they could return as spirits and hot our bad guys
right so to prevent spirits cut off your hair I’m working on it
my father’s spirit returned a few days ago and it said that he died horribly
and he urged me to come here and look for you well I look for me to take
revenge Oh revenge I have to say this movies pretty bad yeah boy
even still it keeps your attention and the Kung Fu scenes are fucking badass
yeah the court the choreography for the Kung Fu is really really good yeah we’ve
seen a whole bunch of crappy dollar store Chinese kung fu films and this one
actually it’s really fun everyone’s got their their shit down it’s fast paced
there was that going on there was that one scene that was amazing and I don’t
know if they planned it but they caught it in slow motion it was great Wow you want to make me a eunuch I want
to make her into a priest and you just see this little bump go wash you’re like
who so we have these two guys entering a crypt and I started feeling a real
connection to these characters because they’re alcoholic it’s like no you know
they’re going into a crypt it’s kind of creepy but the reason that they did it
is they wanted free food and free booze and I don’t know I get it
they’re kind of like the average Costello of this movie so our hero here’s both of these drunk
people at a crib so he goes to investigate and realizes they’re just
drunks hmm and he ends up falling asleep at the Crypt
two drunk people run out fleeing these undead creatures and the creatures
surround the guy I believe this was our first introduction to these grave party
what what is the Chinese meal for it they have a specific jongshin jongshin
donkey I don’t remember what happens next me neither
I remember he tries to to summon these gods but what he does is he sits down
and all you hear is like this Morris code and you hear this Morris codes it’s
like this radio signal and then you see a coffin opened up and like a fairyland
yeah like come out of the coffin because that is how you speak to the underworld
in China and they’re like we got to get a better signal yeah it’s like
completely out of left field I mean most of the movie is but it’s within its own
continuity it wasn’t a comedy other than the little Abba and Costello right and
so it’s there’s just like this this brief snippet of like modern technology
mm-hm for no reason other than I can’t be funny let’s do that and they did so
yeah he finally contacts us the spirit world and the ghouls which he
encountered before interrupt his his seance or prayer
and he’s like what the heck and the ghosts are like we’re gonna help you out
bro we got you we’re straight and then then they they
go into yellowdragon there’s this like cheesy overlay were there kind of
transparent and they switch back and forth from that effect and them actually
being there the ghosts so they’re like invisible or translucent but no one
really sees them and they’re playing pranks on the guards who earlier in the
film tried to prevent our hero from entering and they they distract the
guards and allow hear of the sneak in I’m not full reason here yet so why are
we here hey what happens after that is our dark
magician villain dude we gotta give him a name Darth Vader ponytail Express the
ponytail ponytail Express comes in and he could see our guy and he could see
the ghost right his connection to magic lets him see spirits and interact with
mm-hmm he summons these two spirits to combat our hero spirits and they’re a
different breed of ghosts so to speak they’ve got these tall pope eggs like
dunce caps and super long tongues and I’m not sure exactly what that mythology
is in China but they they come in like you you see like they don’t fight them
they stop and it’s like they’re berating them it’s like they’re having an
argument like the ghosts are like oh I’m not doing this type thing cannot be
doing this well so anyways they get into this argument and then their gym in
there yeah fighting and then we get these like crazy like 1970s era special
effect where you would see in like the kiss movie our hero takes out the magic
book which he has gone back to the the corpse that he found earlier and as he
pulls out the book it shoots these red obviously traced out like animated on
the film it zaps the ghosts that ponytail expresses summoned and they’re
toast they turn into grease spots oh but we missed the most important part
was that 13 yet devotion best part of the movie so the movie has oh well go
for it Dracula I summon you so ponytail Express
summons out of nowhere Dracula he flips out a giant wad of money
because apparently Dracula is attracted to money he is he is ballin he’s got his
game set so Dracula comes out of absolutely nowhere he flies in and it’s
not an Asian actor it’s obviously a Caucasian guy who they must have just
picked up somewhere like hey you want to be in a movie
guys look I’ll be Dracula I can do that and it reminds me of like like the
Hammer films like it actually kind of looks like Peter Cushing yeah there
there’s a resemblance I’m all my blade all white people look
the same Acula but all the white people yeah all white people would say they’re
doing everything they can to stop Dracula who’s obviously a very powerful
entity hmm and so that they try and attack him and Dracula just poof
disappear so our hero starts chucking garlic at
Dracula and they’re exploding like grenades even if they miss like I was
thinking in my head like okay maybe I’m tagged it doesn’t have to hit him the
cowlick is actually explosive so beware Chinese garlic mmm moral the story so
Dracula is defeated by the garlic he goes off those his own thing and it’s
the best scene of the film even if you just if you go online and find this one
scene it will give you pretty much all you really need to see from this movie
entertainment wise but there is a lot more and I guess let’s keep talking at
the camera I’m not sure where this thing comes in but we get to the ponytail
Express yep the black magician and he’s doing some ritual and private yeah he
doesn’t want to be interrupted he’s clearly a magician he can he’s trying to
help his boss achieve invincibility but he’s doing something to himself mmm and
and you get a whole array of funny faces from this guy he he grabs incense and
just shoves into his chest he’s belly dancing he’s doing this real pissed off when he got interrupted
hmm by the other crew I guess the bad guys they come in they’re like hey head
boss he wants to see you right now so get on out and he throws in a pile of
incense and it just kills a guy like oh you have incense in your heart you’re
dead sorry don’t interrupt the wizard not that you’d wanna walk in and see any
of that anyway so we’re back to our hero he’s looking for his father’s corpse he
finds out that you know my dad was killed he was buried with a whole bunch
of other people that the whole time yeah but he was buried with a whole bunch of
other people apparently there’s this little plot where the the head bad guy
has been killing people and dumping their bodies he talks to the to the
spirits he’s like father show me where you are give me a sign and so you see
this hand get raised out of the gravy pick me and then all of a sudden you
start seeing other hands hey sweet all of them want to be properly buried yes
but he’s like I know how to find my father
he has six fingers so they find a corpse with five fingers and he’s like that’s
my dad that’s him so our hero is leaving the field of
corpses with his father’s bones and they’re attacked by a similar type of
spirit which as we found out through a little bit of research these Zhang’s
shit I think that’s how it’s pronounced they have different abilities depending
on how long they’ve been feeding on blood and and this particular one is fly
yeah so most of them hop like bunnies because they’re very stiff corpses but
this one’s able to fly and climb trees but there’s a lady with him and I don’t
know what her point was but Stretch Armstrong ghost tries to grab at her
like in a kind of creepy way and anyways he’s like holding on to like her her
waist belt and like pulls it and she farts on him yes oh yeah like the yellow
smoky fart and that’s what defeats it it’s speaking speaking of that lady her
father ends up dying and have to keep her yeah she’s all distraught and our
hero the main character who’s a good guy here from the beginning talking to his
dead father says she did not return they can’t come
back which is great advice if they didn’t if you have better people coming
back the entire point of the movie lost in one sentence kung fu from beyond the
grave yeah the plot came from beyond the grave
so the ponytail Express is lured into this building which the good guys have
set up a trap they use the daughter of the Cryptkeeper
and a friend to act out a couple who’s about to bang each other mhm and
ponytail expresses like alright I can get these hearts I got to get this
potion lo and behold lo ya miss China pageant comes out out of nowhere and
starts throwing panties on me yeah apparently he’s allergic to
panties and it kills them and he has the most anti-climactic last words three
against one I’d it really be amazing if I lived so
that scene happens and then we find ourselves back with the big baddie the
head honcho the Don so the Don feels really guilty he’s surrounded by a whole
bunch of ghosts mm-hmm that the flaming cotton balls The Flaming cotton balls
and then there are also the the the ghosts which are like you know you stole
our hearts we need our hearts back you killed us and he feels super guilty and
anxious so we rushes back to the forest scene from before where all the bodies
are of the people who is murdered and our hero meets him there for the final
showdown ah you’re up early huh you here for the
fresh air and exercise and our hero can’t lay a finger on the guy because
the magic spell apparently worked and he’s immune to any form of attack except
for his nipples so our hero finds the weak point for the villain his nips so
he starts going after the nips it’s all about the mix and he’s able to take him
down to a certain point but the bad guy that Don is like okay well I’m gonna
take you out he picks up the heroine flings him into a coffin which was
interesting because there weren’t any confidence there before the monster yeah
it was just kind of came out of there buried in the ground but apparently
there’s coffins there there’s a coffin there now so he gets thrown in a coffin
and the Don throws a lid on it and sits on it’s basically like you’re toast
sorry buddy I win I’m the bad guy but then the spirits the ghosts come back
yup and start kicking the shit out of the bad guy bar here is like no III need
to kill ya it’s really it struck me as really weird because the heroes trying
to take out this bad guy and so all of a sudden these spirits are on his side and
he’s like well I don’t want spirits on my side let me take care of this guy the
coffin becomes alive and starts a sentient coffin it’s just like hey I’m
gonna get you it’s very bizarre but it’s really entertaining mmm so how does he
die because he does how I remember oh yeah so the bad guy gets stunned and
thrown into a pit and all the other ghosts are throwing dirt on him they’re
effectively burying him alive and they managed to do so and the heroes like
okay I have avenged my father the end but right before the end credits roll
you see the Don’s body shoot out of the ground as a skeleton and all the ghosts
alike Wow now we’re gonna feed should we do it now I don’t know should we guess
we should corpse launch the end it felt very evil dead like the last few seconds
of the movie purchase was just yeah just the ghost talking themselves like what
are we gonna do with him now right no very very campy but yeah it worked it
worked and then just the end just block letters hmm and that was the movie it
was well worth watching we’ve both seen it a few times
I recommend it if you like a kung fu movie and I have to say watching it a
second time was just as good as entertainers it’s humorous the action
scenes are really really well done hmm the plot is extremely lacking which only
adds to the entertainment so the effects of the movie are not stellar that are
very very cheap which is one reason why we picked this beer the movie we got at
a dollar store so the movies cheap the effects are cheap everything’s cheap and
so is the beer we got it at Trader Joe’s it’s a good deal it’s less than five
dollars for a six-pack yeah and it’s a craft beer I wouldn’t say it’s
high-quality craft beer but it’s a pilsner and to get a pack of Pilsner for
under five bucks is pretty darn good the beer itself is a little malty for a
pilsner and it was little heavier than any lager that I would expect to try but
it’s not a bad flavor it does have a strange aftertaste I don’t really know
how to describe it I would say I had one out of the can and for whatever reason I
would not suggest it out of the can putting in a in a glass makes the world
of difference it does yeah absolutely it’s a fairly cheap Pilsner it’s not
great but for the price it’s definitely well worth trying if you’re looking to
experiment in different beer styles so that’s that’s about it for the beer it’s
a beer it’s cheap and does the job much like the movie you

4 thoughts on “Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave (1982) Review&Brew

  1. Nice review guys! I went through a phase of watching old Kung fu movies but I haven't seen this one. I'll need to check it out.

  2. Hey, since you guys seem to be on the same page as I in regards to Kung Fu flicks, you might be as thrilled as I am about this. AGFA and Shaw Brothers is doing a revival festival of 30 Hong Kong classic films: http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2018/01/18/agfa-and-shaw-brothers-bringing-30-hong-kong-classics-back-to-cinemas

    I'm sensing some reviews in my future. 🙂

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