Key & Peele – Boxing Press Conference


– THIS IS THE FIGHT
EVERYBODY’S BEEN WAITING FOR, BUT WHEN I GET ANDRE
IN THE RING, MAN, IT’S GONNA BE CRUEL
AND QUICK, ‘CAUSE IT’S GONNA BE, LIKE,
ONE-TWO, ONE-TWO, BOOM, AND YOU OUT. – MAN, [bleep] YOU,
CLAUDIUS LEWIS. I’M GONNA [bleep] YOU
RIGHT IN THE ASS. YEAH, I’M GONNA
BEND YOU OVER AND [bleep] YOU
RIGHT IN THE ASS[bleep]. – ALL RIGHT,
YOU KNOW WHAT? ANDRE, HE LIKE TO BE– TRY TO GET INTO
HIS OPPONENTS’ HEADS BY SAYING CRAZY STUFF. HE AIN’T GONNA
GET INTO MY HEAD. HE AIN’T GONNA GET
INTO MY HEAD. – NO, I’M NOT GONNA
GET IN YOUR HEAD. I’M GONNA
GET IN YOUR ASS[bleep] JUST LIKE I SAID,
JUST RIGHT UP IN THERE IN THAT TINY, LITTLE,
MINISCULE ASS[bleep] OF YOURS. THIS IS WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN. I’M GONNA TAKE YOU
TO A NICE, HIGH-FANCY,
HIGHFALUTIN RESTAURANT, AND I’M GONNA BUY YOU THINGS,
WINE AND DINE YOU. AND WE’RE GONNA FIND SOME THINGS
THAT WE HAVE IN COMMON, AND THEY’RE GONNA
BECOME INSIDE JOKES TO US. AND THEN, WE’RE JUST GONNA
LAUGH ABOUT THEM IN THE TAXI ALL THE WAY
TO YOUR HOUSE, WHERE I’M GONNA [bleep] YOU
IN THE ASS. – OH, OKAY, NOW, JU– JUST ME P-PERSONALLY,
I’VE NEVER– YOU KNOW,
I AIN’T EVER SEEN ANDRE TAKE IT THAT FAR BEFORE, BUT–
[chuckles] WHAT–WHATEVER. – YEAH, WHATEVER.
I’LL TELL YOU WHATEVER. WHATEVER, I’M GONNA FINALLY
GONNA FEEL COMFORTABLE TAKING YOU OUT
TO DINNER PARTIES. AND THEN, ALL OF OUR FRIENDS
WHO ARE ALSO COUPLES, THEY’RE JUST
GONNA LAUGH AT US ‘CAUSE WE’RE THAT COUPLE
THAT HOLDS HANDS ALL THE TIME. AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
CLAUDIUS. WE LOVE EACH OTHER
SO VERY MUCH THAT NO MATTER
HOW TIRED I AM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH BULL[bleep]
I’VE DEALT WITH OVER THE DAY, I’M JUST GONNA
LEAVE IT AT THE DOOR WHEN I [bleep] YOU
IN THE ASS. – OKAY,
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN? IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
ALL THAT NONSENSE RIGHT NOW, ALL RIGHT? DID HE JUST SAY HE WAS GONNA
TAKE ME TO DINNER PARTIES? – HE DID SAY
“DINNER PARTIES.” – WE’RE GONNA SNUGGLE
ON THE COUCH EVERY NIGHT. I’M GONNA LET YOU
PICK THE MOVIE, EVEN THOUGH YOU ALWAYS
PICK THE MOVIE. THEN I’M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT
FOR A WALK ON THE BEACH, AND THE MOONLIGHT’S
GONNA BOUNCE OFF OF YOUR SCALP. AND I’M JUST GONNA KISS YOU
SO TENDERLY WHILE THE WAVES BREAK, AND THEN
RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN, I’M GONNA [bleep] YOU
IN THE SANDY ASS[bleep]. – ALL RIGHT, IT’S TIME FOR YOU
TO SHUT YOUR FOOL MOUTH! – IS IT? IS IT TIME?
– YES, IT IS TIME. IT’S TIME FOR YOU
TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH! – WE GONNA SPEND
THE GOLDEN YEARS TOGETHER. – OH, YEAH?
– YEAH. – OH, YEAH?
– YEAH. I’M GONNA SUPPORT YOU
ALL THE WAY THROUGH YOUR RUN
THROUGH CITY COUNCIL. YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT,
AND YOU’RE GONNA BE TIRED, AND EXHAUSTED,
AND OVERWORKED, BUT WE’RE GONNA
STILL FIND THE ENERGY TO GO ANTIQUING ON THE WEEKENDS.
– OH, YEAH? AND THEN, YOU’RE GONNA
BE ON YOUR DEATHBED, AND YOU’RE GONNA
BE SITTIN’ THERE, AND YOU’RE GONNA BE DYIN’. AND I’M GONNA
BE RIGHT BESIDE YOU, AND I’M GONNA BE CRYIN’. AND RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT
WHEN YOU CROSS OVER FROM THIS WORLD
INTO THE NEXT, I’M GONNA [bleep] YOU
IN THE ASS[bleep]. – OH, MAN,
I WISH YOU’D TRY. – OH, YOU DO?
– I WISH THAT YOU WOULD TRY. – WELL,
WISH [bleep]ING GRANTED. [laughter] NO, I LOVE THE VILLAGE
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT I’M TELLING YOU,
IF WE CONTINUE TO SELF-SEGREGATE OURSELVES,
THE ENTIRE GAY COMMUNITY’S GONNA CONTINUE
TO BE “MARGARINE-IZED” I WAS JUST SAYING THIS
TO CLAUDIUS THE OTHER NIGHT RIGHT AFTER I [bleep] HIM
IN THE ASS. – YEAH, HE DID,
HE DID. – ANYWAY, ENOUGH POLITICS.
CHEERS, EVERYONE.

100 thoughts on “Key & Peele – Boxing Press Conference

  1. Everytime Andre said, "I'm going to fuck you in the ass.." he looks at him right in the face….priceless! 😭😭😭🀣🀣

  2. I went to work and said that to my boss and she fired me immediately. I came home got some weed and watched it again and laughed until I cried. Then my boss called me and said I would like to see you do it so he came over and I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS and he gave me my job back then he fired her then she call him and we both went out to meet her and we both FUCKED HER IN THE ASS and she got her job back then I got a promotion and a ring. I asked her to marry me cause he was already married.

  3. He said he was gonna fk him in the ass while he crossed from this world in to the next worldπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  4. MIKE TYSON IS GOING TO KILL YOU!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  5. "He ain't getting into my head! He ain't getting into my head…"

    "I'm not gonna get in your head, I'm gonna get in your ass just like I said I would"
    LMAOOO I DIED AT THAT PART

  6. "I've never seen Andre take it that far before, but whatever."
    That's not Claudius thinking it's still a joke, it's him thinking that Andre's too much of a playboy to enter a committed relationship.

  7. With Mike Tyson's voice: ''…When you cross over from this world into the next…I'm going to fuck you in the assssssssss''…After this line I did laugh so hard that I've got a smile from ear to ear that I can't even wipe this freaking shit off my face. You've broken my face guys…this shit is painfully funny! The lack of respect is too damn high!

  8. If I'm about get in a fight, I'm going to use Peele line. "I'm going to F–k u right in the ass". Have everyone confused.πŸ˜‰

  9. "And the moonlight's gonna bounce off of your scalp" Dude above all else this dig at bald folks got me the hardest. I felt it was kind of glossed over by everything else he said which makes it so funny.

  10. One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died. I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like an infantile retard.

  11. Holy shit the guy to the left of Key is the same guy who is in the Eric Andre Show, he's Tyler's dad in the episode with Tyler the Creator

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