Shut up Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World ‘Where did you find this son of a bitch?’ The phrase ‘must see movie’ is not one you’ll often hear from us. ‘Boss, everybody’s dead’ But you must see Miami Connection . ‘Whatever you say’ On the face of it this is every 80s action movie, You find yourself someone with genuine martial arts chops, and put them alongside some less talented people. ‘They’re black belts in Tae Kwon Do and they’re pretty bad’ Fucking awful is more like it. Then throw in a bad guy who gets angry for no reason. ‘He’s a friend of mine from school.’ ‘A friend!’ and add a plot. ‘I’m the leader of the group that played out of Park Avenue, we got fired then the new group beat us up’ When he says group like that, it doesn’t sound like they’re a gang, sounds more like they’re a band. #Friends for eternity, loyalty and honesty# #We’ll stay together through thick or thin# #Friends forever we’ll be together.# #We’re on top because we play to win# Right. ‘It’s that damn band again’ This is about two bands, fighting over a gig. and taking it pretty fucking seriously. Okay, it’s my opinion that the bands in this town have way too much power. ‘No one’s gonna mess with our band again’ Well no, now you’ve killed like 50 people over a booking, I imagine word will spread . ‘Don’t bother us.’ And if you think the fight choreography looks bit shoddy. Wait till you see them pretending to play. #We’ll make our dreams come true.’ #There’s nothing we can do.# No wonder they have to fight for gigs. ‘You are terrible’ What this has to do with martial arts is pretty vague. ‘We could write another tae Kwon Do song’ ‘After Tom does a guitar solo we can all break boards.’ If you’ve got more than one Tae Kwon Do song, that’s already too many. ‘Boss. We got a big problem now’ Now I could spend the whole review mocking the basic premise and wondering where the hell the police are. ‘Where did everybody go?’ But there’s so much more. ‘You don’t scare me at all’ Witness the pulling skills of the dorky hero. See what happens when actors put too much faith in that improv class they took in college. (everyone badly adlibbing over each other) Or when a director decides that using real people rather than actors will give scenes a documentary realism. ‘I’m so sorry for what happened.’ Watch characters struggle for the appropriate emotion. ‘My mother was Korean’ Shall we start this. scene? (more bad ad-libbing over each other) Behold the world’s most optimistic attempt to stop a car. And this girl’s reaction to her boyfriend killing her brother. ‘I feel so bad about that.’ ‘It’s not your fault I understand’ Speaking of under reacting. ‘Uh-oh, Ninjas’ See the wost ninja ever… and the best description of drug dealing. ‘That damn gang sell their stupid cocaine.’ Be baffled as to why, when one of the heroes is seriously injured, of all the hospital signs the filmmakers could have picked, they those this one. Prenatal exercises $15 Well, that’s a bargain. But hang on this is Miami connection, why would they drive 230 miles to an Orlando hospital. ‘Make no more mistakes, you understand?’ Best of all wonder at the contrast between the film’s violent content, and its message…. Seriously, I never say this, but you’ve got to watch Miami Connection. ‘They will not escape the Miami Ninja’ It’s hilarious. ‘Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’ Miami Connection may not be good, but it is hilarious. What’s your favourites so bad? It’s funny film. Thanks for watching check out our other reviews and don’t forget to subscribe

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